Goldeneye

Kinky sex is not for everyone. I am quite new at the kinky stuff, contrary to popular belief. Does biting count as kinky? Or is that more to vanilla these days since there are so much other stuff that are far kinkier than a hickey on the neck?

Anyways, the only kinky stuff that I had engaged in over the past few years was sex with a girl. No. I am kidding. I can’t have sex with a girl. I’ll implode. Girls are gross. Um, no offense to the girls who read the blog. Okay, make that girly parts are gross. Nothing personal. It’s just that I am 100% gay. I love you guys like the sisters I never had but I can’t even look at bras without retching.

Moving on before the girls storm my pad with Prada pitchforks and Tissot torches. Well, the kinkiest thing I have ever done was golden shower. No, no. I was not on the receiving end. That would be Teddy. Oops. Was it a secret? Oops.

In any event, I guess the term golden shower was not really accurate. It was more like a golden drinking fountain. Golden Ambrosia. Heh. I coined a new term. Spread the word.

Yeah, this guy I chatted with wanted to drink my urine straight from my cock. I was supposed to use him as a human toilet. Yup, complete with Belgian chocolate. Gross. That would be Prof Karen Walker’s thing. Gross.

I did not do #2, literally, coz it was gross. Can you imagine? Eating someone else’s waste? Brrr. Well, I guess some people do like it. Whatever floats you boat eh? But that’s not for me.

Anywho, to cut short a longer story, I peed in his mouth. Cut to the present day.

Someone I chatted with wanted me to fuck his ass while he does #2. What the…? No way! He accepted my rejection and counter-offered with a “Can you shit on my face?”

I was grossed out. I told him the only thing I could do was pee in his mouth but that was not enough for him. He wanted chocolate. Not Godiva, not Ferrero Rocher, not Van Houten and not even the awesome Kylie song. Gross. So that’s a big no right there.

Cut to a couple of days later. I’ve met up this guy before and I know he has a thing for golden showers. He told me he was disappointed the last time we met up because I was dry and could not pee on him. So he told me to down a big bottle of water and he’d be over in an hour.

When he arrived, I was disappointed to see him gaining some weight. He was a short man so his jelly belly was a bit more pronounced. Sigh. But he did say I had lost some weight. Happy. So we hung out for a bit coz I did not feel like peeing yet. That did not stop his hands from roaming about my body freely.

Once I felt like peeing, we headed to the shower. He turned on the shower and kneeled. He opened his mouth and told me to pee in it. Looking back, it was kinda gross but a bit exciting. So I peed.

He took a gulp of it and then proceeded to have a shower. It was like watching a shampoo commercial or body wash commercial. He was lapping it up and making sure it hit everywhere on his body. The look on his face was pure lust. I asked him once and he said the warmth of the pee against his skin. Um, okay. After I was done peeing, he took my cock in his mouth and sucked like his life depended on it. I did not know what to do so I just stood there and let him suck me. But I did adjust the shower head to not face me coz it was getting cold. You know what they say about the cold and your penis…

After that, I proceeded to shower but he wanted to leave, saying he had showered at home. Dude. I just sprayed you with my urine. You’re showering with me or you’re not going to get some. He realized it and showered with me.

Guess he was still turned on so he immediately took me in the mouth. I got bored so I moved into the 69 position and we 69ed for a while. I fingered him also. He moaned while blowing me. Nice. The last time we had sex, he made weird kiddie noises. Or should I say his moans sound eerily like a child’s moan. I ain’t Michael Jackson so I got turned off. Lucky I still came. Ehehehhee.

Anyway, I moved out of the 69 position and laid him on his back. I sucked his nipple while playing with his cock. Then I licked his balls and make my way to his ass. He moaned again. There were faint traces of the kiddie moan but I could ignore it this time. I turned him on his back and suited up. I penetrated him and fucked his ass like I had not fucked his ass for two years. Which was true.

He is a talker. I forgot about that. He talked and moaned all throughout the piledriving. Again, lucky there was no sign of kiddie voice. He was moving his ass against my grinding pelvis. A lot. I guess the golden shower must have triggered his intense horniness. After I came, he turned around and jacked himself with one hand and grabbed my cock with his other hand. Soon as he came, we washed up and he left. I guess I’ll see him in a couple of years again…